Articles & Publications

By Thomas Koulopoulos | inc.com
Published: April 23, 2015

The following is an article excerpt highlighting an application of Converstaional Intelligence. For the full, original article, please read the article here on inc.com

Developing an awareness of how others see you is one of the hardest but also most important things you can do. Here's how.

Whether you're leading 2 or 2000 people I can assure you of one immutable truth about leadership that you need to always keep in mind; all eyes are upon you.

I'm not telling you this to pump up your ego; your ego is probably just fine. After all, you got to where you are because you believe in yourself, you're confident in your vision and in your abilities, and you have some capacity to attract others to your cause. But here is the thing about ego, it's rarely objective. Like the meme of a dress that recently went viral--dividing the Internet in two about what colors it was--perception is everything. We see what we want to see, particularly when it comes to seeing ourselves. That's especially true for leaders because leadership comes with a built-in force field that often prevents others from telling you what they really think, and, let's face it, it's pretty easy to become full of yourself when it's your sandbox everyone else is playing in.

...

Measure Your Ask/Tell Ratio

Much of your time is spent telling others what needs to be done because you see the big picture. Nothing wrong with that, but are you asking in equal measure? One of my clients, Judith Glaser, has done some incredible work in the field of conversational intelligence and the impact that language and conversation have on the chemical pathways that establish or undermine trust in a leader. One of her cornerstone frameworks is a chart that plots a leader's "telling" against their "asking." If the two are not in balance then the message a leader is sending out is, "I don't want you to invest your creative energy in this process. Just do it." This absolves the employee of responsibility in the matter. (i.e. Do what you're told and you won't get in trouble. Do what you think is right and you'r rolling the dice.) I'm pretty sure that's not the message you want to send. Try to keep track of how often you tell versus ask during the course of the next week to see what your ratio looks like.

The above is an article excerpt highlighting an application of Converstaional Intelligence. For the full, original article, please read the article here on inc.com



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